who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
