I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
