Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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