Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
