i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
