just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
