school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
