Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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