Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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