dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
