dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
