lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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