Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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