im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
