as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
