1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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