fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
