My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize
