Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
