overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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