He told me they were just razor bumps!
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
What drink are we having for lunch?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
