Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
