wake up i wanna do it froggy style
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
