well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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