Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
