I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
