I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
