My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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