We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
