i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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