To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
