Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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