that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
