Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
