If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Randomize
