Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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