And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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