I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
