dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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