I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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