I wish I could punch you in the face.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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