Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
