I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
