smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
