I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
