i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
This is my gift to your gina
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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