His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Randomize
