currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I just gift wrapped bread.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
