maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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