omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Your shirt... Was in my pants
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
