Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
