It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Randomize
