I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
